Quite acceptable in general, I'd say. So, obviously my Rokugan differs from MACN's one. I'd say not so much though, I generally agree with him.
Why do I say so? You asked for "in private between family" touch:
- Privacy matters. My home is my castle: visiting private house is an entirely different matter than visiting a tea shop. Being at home is vastly different than being in your lord's keep doing your duties. At home you're allowed to somewhat relax from usual restraint.
- Family matters. Cases are, one puts family higher than duties or even his lord (disloyal, but if personal gain can be put above one's lord, so can family). And even if it's not above lord... it's still important.
- They still want it. To touch, to be touched. It's human. I read an account of an English teacher who went to communist China (more than 2 decades ago) and asked parents there if they really never kiss their children or pat their heads etc. upon learning about the 'no touch' rule. Nobody admitted it upfront, but many privately told him they had breached that rule.
Few additional points
Most samurai are not of kuge caste (aristocracy, direct descendants of the kami or family heads etc. - highest nobility) - court rules don't matter there as much and are not as strictly enforced at all times.
Judge how many samurai in your Rokugan are the rural types, the "provintional" chaps etc. If their etiquette ain't their primary skill, how much would they bother with it?
Add in a number of Crabs with their different approach to etiquette. Like: let me touch you with jade to see if I need to kill you now. I can't see clan which routinely accepts this as one that would at all times refrain from touching others.
Add in a fact that it's a widely accepted punishment to slap or hit someone (especially in the military, but also during training - and first teachers you get are your parents). Apparently, touching as punishment is ok, and they know touching as caress works as well. General rule against touching is against ANY touching. You're forbidden to gently touch as much as slap other samurai. Slapping is an insult, gently touching is inappropriate and suggests something between you (which may require other party to react harshly even if - or especially if - it's true).
Also, the delight Rokugani find from their love stories and lovers who manage to steal a moment of intimacy between their duties (accidental touches, letters passed from hand to hand and all that). Romances are crazy popular in Rokugan and widely accepted... but not publicly.
What family are we talking about?
Finally, it depends on particular family. Ikoma or Crabs? Sure. Shinjo, the compassionate ones - also. Ascetic and rigorous Akodo, traditional and zen-like Shiba or ceremonious Doji - much, much less.
Also, the higher the status the more etiquette comes to play.
In the end it's your Rokugan of course. :-)