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200

I'm a consultant IRL, and run into this kind with every client I have - So, I have a standard practice in life: whenever I encounter a situation where someone has made an important declaration that I think might be in error, I say something like: "I think I'm confused." - I always assume that I might be wrong (even when I'm pretty sure I'm not.) I would ...


189

These people are toxic. You don't need to resist them in-game, you need to leave. He makes a point of it by calling me 'it' in real life, as, according to him, my unusual name isn't really a name and as such it isn't worth addressing me by. This is just proof that you're not going to be respected at all.


155

You have more power than you think. Set boundaries in advance, and establish the consequences for violation. Don't be afraid to walk out if harm is occurring. Discuss your concerns before game play, and test them in a limited fashion with collaborative character creation. You assert: "I'm interested in playing with this group because I'm very close to the ...


107

Don't play with people who make you uncomfortable. The fundamental issue is that the group has a couple meanie-face jerkheads (feel free to insert a much more vitriolic phrase of your choosing) who everyone else is tolerating. These players are engaging in abusive, toxic behavior. This is bad in any context. Games are supposed to be fun, and playing with ...


77

I think it boils down mainly to the winning two step formula of Invite females to play Don't be a dick to them when they do Step one should be fairly self explanatory, but for some reason many people worrying about this topic skip it. Try it, it works. My roommate was talking to a manager lady at work about an unexpectedly shared interest in Babylon 5, ...


76

The players you have described sound horrific. D&D can be a great game, but any game could be spoiled by players like these. Avoiding the game entirely, as Rylee Fowler suggests, is the safest solution. Still, if you definitely want to play this game anyway, proceed with caution. Start by speaking to the DM about your concerns. You know your DM well, so ...


60

A DM should not think of himself as having the right of Rule 0, which is why he controls the game. A DM should instead think of himself as having the responsibility of controling the game, and therefore being given the tool of Rule 0 in order to do so. Because ultimately, that is what Rule 0 is: a tool given to the DM to keep the game fun, engaging, and ...


57

What the answer comes down to is "exercise your social networks, both online and offline." You can be both looking for gamers/groups of gamers you can join and also registering your interest so that groups of gamers interested in a new player can find you. Decide what you want to do and prep your pitch Do you care what game(s) you will play, can you ...


54

"So, what's everyone's hobby?" John asked that evening, opening a beer. "I love gardening," Kyle said. "I'm into assassinations." Nick was apparently trying to be funny, again. Making a face even. Nobody laughed. "I play roleplaying games," Zora said. Some started chuckling about that. "No, I don't mean the leather and whips and French maids stuff you're ...


54

You're not having fun. Since the entire point of role-playing is to have fun, you need to do something about it. In particular, it sounds like the character he's playing (called a GMPC) is seriously distracting him from his GM task of running a fun story for the other players at the table. You have several options, depending on whether you're willing to ...


53

I am rewarded by having a consistent, enthusiastic group of players, willing to attend with regularity for years on end. They record our games as blogs, beg for more when I'm out of plot for a night, and rearrange their schedules to assure they can attend. They treat the game with respect, they take risks (within limits - I'm never gonna get them to play ...


50

The limit to Rule Zero is what the players are willing to accept. It's that simple. Unless you can convince him to change what he's doing, your only option is to walk away.


50

Oh. Oh my. This is a pretty difficult situation for everyone involved. Let's not sugar-coat it more than we must: you made some profoundly poor decisions in play. For your own benefit, you really need to figure out how that happened. Why did you feel like sexual coercion was a reasonably obstacle to throw in front of the group trying to fulfill their ...


47

Ask more generally about their comfort boundaries Tell the party that you have some ideas you think might be crossing the line, and ask them where they'd like the line to be drawn. In that context you might even give examples and include something similar to your idea as just one of several. Throw in a scaled-down version as a test Use the general concept ...


46

First, the generic advice: Plan for it. [You do this.] Set aside the first 30-60 minutes for chat. Hold your players' interest with an exciting game. [You are doing this.] If they're chatting, frankly, then they'd rather be chatting than playing. Make them more interested in playing than chatting by making your game more interesting. Is there a lot of ...


46

...One of them calls you 'it'? This isn't a question of how to deal with difficult people, this is a warning of a potentially dangerous antisocial person, and a big tip off that they are a miserable human being. Any observed tendency to attempt to dehumanize a person for no good reason like this - and refusing a person their rightful name is a massive, ...


46

You have two problems: an agency problem and a knowledge problem. Agency The likely reason why your players weren't all happy with the outcome of the situation you describe is because you took away their agency. Generally speaking in D&D, the players' expectations is that they control their characters, not the DM. By taking a suggestion from one player ...


45

Two words: Dramatic Exit Though others adequately attempt to help with the group dynamics, I'll answer the question as asked instead: "How do I quit a game gracefully?" and work my way around to the same place. Work within the fantasy. Make appologies to the GM and offer to work with him/her to make it work within the story of the game. Make your last ...


45

Acknowledge you invited him without discussing what the groups expectations of him were. Try to have the missing discussion with him. In the discussion point out how his current play style does not fit the groups desired play style. At the end of the discussion ask him to conform to the groups expectations or not come back for the current game. In the ...


41

Option 1: Retcon It Given the situation of a player basically going off the rails and sabotaging the campaign, the simplest solution would be to use a retcon. Wipe out the events of the last session entirely. They didn't happen. Write out the now missing player, and life goes on. Retcons are often lousy answers in themselves, but in a case like this you'd ...


41

Someone has to take the player who invited his girlfriend aside and talk to him one-on-one. (I'll address that to "you", for the moment, since I hope you'll get your GM to read this.) Make it clear that it was OK to bring her, but not OK to turn game sessions into makeout sessions. Then lay down the unfortunate reality of the situation: if they can't cut it ...


40

Sounds like you have a couple separate issues mixed in together. Uneven Spotlight Time If only some characters are engaged in the planning, make sure and spread the spotlight time around to the others. After 5 minutes of the planning characters doing their thing, go around to the other characters and get 5 minutes of what they're doing, don't let the ...


38

There's a variety of dimensions to whether an activity is appropriate for children of a given age or not. Activity Appropriateness There's no inherent age limit for "roleplaying." Kids roleplay from a very young age via "cops-and-robbers" (though nowadays it's more likely ninjas vs Transformers or something). Group imaginative play as kids is RPGs ...


38

You've already covered it, let him contribute the level he wants to, even if that's less than other players. Different players want different things out of a game. Don't drive your player away by forcing him to RP if he isn't up for it in every scene. I myself love to roleplay, but this is not a constant from session to session and my energy and emotional ...


37

I'm going to give you the best advice I wish I had when I first got into roleplaying - I use it to this day. Play games you like, with people you like. Vice versa - do not play games you do not like, or play with people you do not like. You may not be able to find a game right now. If you have access to Skype or Google Plus Hangouts or any kind of online ...


37

All of you should leave and continue playing without this person. Someone so unreasonable as to laugh when everyone says they don't want them to DM anymore is not going to agree to anything that improves the situation by reducing their power over the group. So take the power away by doing something that doesn't need their cooperation: walk away and leave ...


36

Play in a public place and let the parents watch for twenty minutes.


35

Female gamer geek, checking in with 2 cents... It's okay to treat women/girls like "one of the guys" -- as a matter of fact, it's preferable. Walking on eggshells around us is just as much unwanted attention as never taking your eyes off our breasts. Ignore people who suggest you have to communicate differently, be PC, etc. to get female players: the ...


33

Anger is a natural part of human existence, but most people learn to control it. You seem to be letting it get the best of you. This sounds like a problem bigger than just gaming. If it is, there are actually anger management courses and, of course, therapy. If anger affects one of your favorite pastimes this way, it's probably also affecting the rest of ...


33

In a game where logistics and character death aren't core parts of play, putting pressure on them to keep logistics discussions to a minimum is necessary. "For every 5 minutes you spend planning realtime, an [hour/day/week/whatever's appropriate] goes by game time. Over 10 minutes realtime and I start checking to see if the enemy gets wind of your plans and ...



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