This is going to be a long one to explain and it's more about the players than the game but any input would be appreciated.

I am the newest player in my D&D group. I came into a group of great players that really made the game enjoyable. I had never played before that and now I love it. We meet every week, and it is the highlight of my week. About three months ago one of the players needed to leave for personal reasons, something we were all fine with. He (Randy) has been showing up occasionally to hangout and watch, again cool with that too. Randy is really good friends with one of the others the one who hosts our games at his house.

The host texted everyone in the group chat and asked if we would like to have a board/card game night in place of D&D two weeks from now. I texted in the chat that I would prefer to continue with the campaign, but would be willing to do to something different if everyone else agreed. Two of the others Jeff included mentioned that they would also prefer to continue.

Randy suddenly chimes in and say to correct him if he is wrong then proceeds to claim that we all agreed to have a game night instead of D&D once in a while. Jeff goes on to tell him that we had previously talked about another night, at least that is what three of us remember. No one in the entire conversation said a definite no to a game night, Jeff was simply trying to state that it wasn't remembered the same way.

Both of these men being stubborn, go back and forth in the group chat for a while until finally Jeff says that we can discuss it on face to face at D&D.

D&D was still scheduled that week.

Four hours later the host puts in the group chat that he is not having D&D at his house THIS week, he is hosting a game night if anyone wants to come.

My issue with this is that he contributed nothing to the conversation other than offering what to do then making the decision when he heard what the others wanted to do. He is not the DM either, the DM was not part of the discussion.

I don't know what to do at this point. I feel like the host is using the fact that he is the "host" as a way of getting what he wants. This is not the first time he has manipulated things to get what he wants.

Should I offer to host D&D at my house and let the host have his game night?
I would hate to make people choose sides though.


closed as too broad by Blue Caboose, KorvinStarmast, mxyzplk Apr 17 at 16:53

Please edit the question to limit it to a specific problem with enough detail to identify an adequate answer. Avoid asking multiple distinct questions at once. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    \$\begingroup\$ This doesn't sound like a question about D&D, it's more an interpersonal relations question. \$\endgroup\$ – Caleth Apr 17 at 16:18
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    \$\begingroup\$ Hi and welcome! I sympathise with your pain, but worry this question is not really in the context for a DnD-specific question (what do others think?). Maybe in Role-playing Games Chat? \$\endgroup\$ – PJRZ Apr 17 at 16:20
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    \$\begingroup\$ I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because it seems to be more interpersonal than game-based, and I'm not sure we can provide a single objectively best answer to the question. \$\endgroup\$ – Blue Caboose Apr 17 at 16:42
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    \$\begingroup\$ Please do not answer or partially answer in comments. See rpg.meta.stackexchange.com/questions/6533/… \$\endgroup\$ – mxyzplk Apr 17 at 16:55
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    \$\begingroup\$ We handle gaming related interpersonal questions here fine, and more precisely than interpersonal.SE, so this general topic is welcome here. However, a generalized "what should I do?" question is both too broad and opinion based. What do you think you should do? What specifically can we answer that can help you with your dilemma? \$\endgroup\$ – mxyzplk Apr 17 at 20:00

There are some thorny questions here about consensus-based decision making and status management in small groups. The folks at https://interpersonal.stackexchange.com/ might have a better perspective on that than we do. Still, there are some things we can say from a D&D perspective.

First: it's a bad idea to start a competing event unless you're confident you'll get enough players for the event to happen. If you try to start a competing event and not enough people show up, you might end up having to apologize, or having no event at all. I recommend not saying anything in public unless you're very confident in your position.

Second: it sounds like some of the players in your group are losing interest in the D&D game. It's possible that some of them will drop out permanently in the coming weeks, regardless of how this coming games night goes.

Third: it's usually the DM's job to decide when and where the game will happen. The game can't happen without the DM's cooperation; also, in most groups, the DM is the one who got the group together, and the one who can recruit new players if some existing players drop out.

Here's my suggestion: send a polite note to your DM saying: "Hey, if you decide you want to run a game tonight and you need a place to host, I'd be happy to host it at my place." Let your DM work out the details.

  • \$\begingroup\$ Thank you for your help. \$\endgroup\$ – DnDFan26 Apr 17 at 18:04

Unfortunately, you can't force people to play D&D against their will

It once happened in my gaming group that some of the players simply got burned out on Dungeons & Dragons and wanted to play other games. This can happen for a variety of other reasons, such as interpersonal conflict or players tiring of one DM's style, but it can simply happen that when a gaming group plays D&D for years, one or more long-time players have become bored of the game.

The de facto golden rule of group problems is talk to your players. The key things you have to work out are as follows:

  • Why does the host want to quit D&D? Are they also the DM and are tired of the effort? Are they not the DM, and are tired of the DM? Was there some single event that caused this desire to quit, such as a player conflict within the game? Are they just tired of D&D? Is there some other reason?
    • If you can resolve this problem, everyone can go back to playing D&D.
    • If you can't resolve this, you either stop playing D&D or stop playing at that DM's house.
  • Who else wants to quit D&D?
    • If everyone else wants to quit D&D, or multiple players want to quit, then you have no D&D group. Unfortunately, now you have either a board game night or nothing. But you can't force people to play D&D.
    • If everyone else wants to continue playing, and the host leaves the group, then the choice is to move venues to another host.
  • Can you do both? Do you have enough free time to play both?
    • If yes, you now have two gaming groups! Hooray.
    • If not, you have to work with the group to settle on one or the other. This is something that can only happen if you talk to your players and decide.
    • A third option is that you can alternate between board games and D&D. Maybe play board games for a while and go back to D&D afresh later. This may be a wise option.

In my experience, if you push on with D&D, the players who wanted to quit D&D will quit the group, and you will lose one or more players, potentially until there are not enough players left for a D&D game.

As some people have noted, you might also ask this question in Interpersonal Relations Stack Exchange to see if they have any better advice.

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    \$\begingroup\$ +1 for the "unfortunately" in "Unfortunately, you can't force people to play D&D against their will". \$\endgroup\$ – Jack Apr 17 at 17:02

Taking a break from D&D isn't a bad thing

Playing games together is a social event. The host is offering to have a social event at their house, but in a slightly different form than a D&D game. To prevent tension in your social group - a regular gaming group is a social group and thus subject to small group dynamics among people - show good faith and friendship by joining into the game night and playing whatever is on tap for the evening.

Enjoy the fellowship and fun with your gaming group. The people whom you play with are (IMO) a bit more important than the game itself. Enjoy their company in a new and different way (the host said This Week) and go back to D&D on a subsequent week.

This approach is a drama prevention course of action to address your problem.

  • \$\begingroup\$ Thank you for your help. Drama prevention would be good, but I'm afraid that it might be unavoidable knowing some of the other players. \$\endgroup\$ – DnDFan26 Apr 17 at 18:06

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