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For a period of time (one or two years? Hard to tell) I became oddly ill. Incredibly sleepy, irritable, forgetful and it was all I could do to participate in the game. The GM thought I was becoming apathetic to his world, the other players just assumed my character was being distant, and I struggled to roleplay and deal with some mechanical problems with the character and the system (lots of homebrew) as a whole. However, with medication, I slowly started coming around. This came at a cost, however.

My irritability became explosive. I said things that I regret to this day, and ruined some friendships as a result. Its been... almost 9 months since the last straw was broken and the long running game had to be put on hiatus. We had thought to try and talk things out, see if we couldn't cement some positive habits in place of negative habits through a series of modules, each run by a different player, and then being run by a GM. Unfortunately, my schedule went haywire and this couldn't happen. I decided to back out of the group until I could fix myself and so they could continue playing in other games.

Lately, I've noticed myself falling into bad habits. Lots of negativity toward certain mechanics or just some darker thoughts. Nothing to talk with a psychiatrist about, but more things that I'm trying to fix about myself and get rid of.

I'm wondering if anyone knows of a good way to help change the way a player plays without them being in a game? My schedule doesn't allow me to play locally, and I don't want to subject a GM to me if I relapse.

EDIT: After some discussion with the lovely people on the RPG Stack Exchange General Chat, we came up with a some options to help better isolate the potential problems I've been having, and I created a plan of action to help me become a better player. For those curious about the conversation, you can see that here.

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closed as too broad by V2Blast, Blue Caboose, Purple Monkey, linksassin, fgysin May 7 at 10:56

Please edit the question to limit it to a specific problem with enough detail to identify an adequate answer. Avoid asking multiple distinct questions at once. See the How to Ask page for help clarifying this question. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    \$\begingroup\$ Hi @Ganny, I appreciate your efforts to improve, recognizing there is a problem is often the first step. Unfortunately as written this question is very broad, if you focused on a single problem such as "how can I stop doing X?" instead of the general "how can I get rid of bad habits?" we may be able to answer. I understand this is a difficult situation. You can join us in Role-playing Games Chat if you want to discuss things in a less structured format. \$\endgroup\$ – linksassin May 7 at 3:11
  • \$\begingroup\$ Kudos for the proactive step. There's nothing wrong with checking in with a psychotherapist (much different than a psychiatrist), these are precisely the kinds of situations they are trained for and they can be very helpful in sorting out behaviors, thoughts and perspectives that you'd like to shift. There might be a better SE to ask this on, but I'm not sure which one it would be. Also, what linksassin said. \$\endgroup\$ – lightcat May 7 at 16:29
  • \$\begingroup\$ I'll hop into chat when I get off work. Thanks! \$\endgroup\$ – Ganny May 7 at 17:11