We're playing online.

I don't like the player, not the PC, the PC themselves is fine, which kinda makes this worse, if it was the PC, I could chalk it up to good RP.

This player also isn't unlikable/overtly terrible like in rpghorrorstories where I can call them out that what they're doing is wrong or something. They just make annoying jokes a lot of the time, making fun of everything happening in game (though to be fair and respectful, their own character is also the butt of the joke sometimes) and are weirdly specieist to certain things in D&D (mostly to monstrous races believing all of them to be evil), not the PC is specieist, the player (and the DM has established that as objectively not true in this campaign world).

I think this is mostly a difference of opinion rather than outright them being a bad player (though I certainly think so, since I'm biased).

The campaign is reaching a point where I and my character could leave without causing a problem (i.e. not during combat and stuff), so I've been thinking of just leaving, though I've also thought of telling the DM that I won't leave if the other player is kicked out, but I don't want to pseudo-blackmail my DM. I also don't think talking would just solve this (we've already tried talking with them about the specieist point, and they haven't changed, and I think I'm really the only one that finds their jokes annoying).

I think the best thing that would happen is if they leave of their own volition, which I don't want to instigate by antagonizing the character in game and stuff because I don't want to be a terrible person/player, and ruin everyone's fun.

  • 1
    \$\begingroup\$ Hi, welcome to rpg.se! Take the tour and choose a unique name for yourself when you get a chance. Visit the help center or ask here in the comments (use @ to ping someone) if you need more information. Good luck and happy gaming! \$\endgroup\$
    – linksassin
    Jun 5, 2020 at 0:52
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    \$\begingroup\$ You mentioned you already tried talking with this player. How did that conversation go? Did you express that you'd like them to modify their behavior? \$\endgroup\$
    – MikeQ
    Jun 5, 2020 at 1:32
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    \$\begingroup\$ I don't think it will change the core answer, but do you know how the GM feels about the other players? If your view coincides with his, he may be a contact to find another game whether he feels as you do about players like those or not. \$\endgroup\$
    – 3C273
    Jun 5, 2020 at 2:22
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    \$\begingroup\$ Other users brought up the idea that you are just playing with random people online. Is this the case? I assumed you were playing with friends. Is there anything stopping you from leaving the game and starting a new one? \$\endgroup\$ Jun 7, 2020 at 8:42

5 Answers 5


This is your problem

To be clear - you don't like the player because you find them unlikable. This is not a character flaw in either of you - we like who we like and dislike who we dislike for all sorts of reasons, most of them irrational and personal.

Since it is your problem, don't make it about other people - either the DM or the disliked player. You need to decide if playing in this game gives you more pleasure than grief - if it does, stay; if it doesn't, leave.

People come and go - this time it might need to be you who goes. There's plenty of online groups looking for players out there.

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    \$\begingroup\$ Woah, this is kind of a nuclear option isn't it? In everyday life adults are expected to interact with people they don't like, or even dislike. I know it's kind of a meme here, but why not talk to the player first? "Hey I find your jokes rub me the wrong way, would you be able to tone it down a bit?", "I noticed you find all monstrous races to be evil, but that's not true in this setting", or "I feel like you don't take the game very seriously since you make jokes about everything". Surely leaving the game without doing anything to address the problem should be a last resort. \$\endgroup\$ Jun 5, 2020 at 4:44
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    \$\begingroup\$ @user true. We often have to find a way to get along with people we don't like because we have to. Maybe they're family or coworkers, etc. In these cases, leaving isn't really an option (or, at the very least, it's more trouble than finding a way to be be comfortable staying). But that's a different kettle of fish than an online RPG group. OP has stated it's mainly a conflict of personalities. You're right that talking might be worth trying first but, at the end of the day, leaving is a very viable solution. \$\endgroup\$
    – Rykara
    Jun 5, 2020 at 6:19
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    \$\begingroup\$ @Rykara It's a viable solution in any situation. I think it's safe to assume that OP otherwise wants to play the game, so any solution that doesn't result in them playing the game doesn't really benefit them in any way. That's the reason why people don't wantonly quit jobs as soon as they dislike a coworker, there's something they want from that job (usually money). I don't consider this answer to offer any kind of solution any more than "just quit your job" would be a solution for handing an unlikable coworker. \$\endgroup\$ Jun 5, 2020 at 6:33
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    \$\begingroup\$ @user-63873687 For most people finding a different online group to play with is significantly easier and involves significantly fewer lifestyle changes compared to finding a different job or getting adopted into a different family. \$\endgroup\$
    – Cubic
    Jun 5, 2020 at 16:17
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    \$\begingroup\$ @user-63873687 Sounds like you've got another answer to provide. \$\endgroup\$
    – NotArch
    Jun 5, 2020 at 17:43

Talk to your table

This is basically the generic solution for all and problems. I'll break it down following my own experiences with a similar situation.

In my case, I was in a game with player who was a little bit too triggerhappy with PvP (in a D&D 5e game) for my taste. I'll recount the steps I took to address the situation. In my case, the game was very large at 11 players, so your mileage may vary when applying this solution to a smaller group.

Step 1: Sort through your own feelings

Everything else you're going to have to do here involves talking to people. Communication is hard, so it's important to be able to clearly articulate your feelings and reasons. For me, it's way easier to do that ahead of time.

Figure out what your bottom line is - would you leave the group if nothing changed? If so, how much would need to change before you'd stay?

In my case, the player himself was fine, but I didn't like how much PvP was going on, and I felt like I was picking up the pieces after every time things devolved into PvP, making concessions and trying to find ways to avoid splitting the party permanently. I would have been fine with an agreement to either cut back on the PvP or if everyone agreed that kicking characters out of the party was an acceptable solution for in-character antisocial behavior.

Step 2: Find out how the other players (and GM) feel

In my case, there were some members of the group that I was more comfortable approaching than others. I approached these players privately and talked about the game, and how they felt things were going. The intention here is not to try to rally support to your cause, but to determine if that support already exists.

If the problem player (or that player's playstyle) is a bad fit for the group, you will do yourself and the group no favors by leaving.

In my case, while some of them shared my concerns with the problem player, I also learned that a handful of them had very different problems with very different players. Players who I thought were fine had been banned from groups with other players. Furthermore, many of them enjoyed the high-PvP style but also didn't want to split the party because that would make more work for the DM (who was time-limited due to pursuing a very intensive degree which left him very little time to prep or run the game).

Step 3-a: If you believe change is possible, hold a meeting to discuss it

At the meeting, confront the player in question, and inform them that you and several others have a problem with their behavior. Formally propose the changes you decided you needed in Step 1, and found support for in Step 2. Discuss them.

You may not get everything you want. That's fine. The point here is not to convince your friends to play your way - the point is to agree on what is and is not acceptable behavior at the table.

In my case, I didn't have the group behind me, so I went to step 3-b instead.

Step 3-b: If you do not believe change is possible, leave.

Be polite - try to leave on good terms with any players whom you might want to interact with (either in another game or in life) in the future.

In my case, I said that I was burned out and wanted to get the timeslot back. I later created a new game with some of my closer friends from the same group.

Step 4: Determine if the game is worth playing again

Play for a session or two after the big meeting, and see if you're having fun now. If you are, problem solved. If you are not, go back to step 1.


The solutions that have been listed are probably better than what I am going to suggest. However...
I play in RL with my groups and quitting or kicking a player out is not an option because we have been together for years. So when I was faced with the specific problem of someone who joked out of character too much... I roleplayed like what he was saying was serious and in character. After a while he got the hint and it pretty much made our group better RPers. Treat it like a game... because it is a game.


Tell the DM how you feel and just leave it up to them.

For all we know your DM might not like this other player your talking about either. For all we know it's possible that the DM likes that annoying player more than you. We won't know unless you ask the DM how they feel about the situation.

Don't be worried about blackmailing the DM into kicking the other player by telling him/her you'll leave if the other player isn't kicked, because if they do kick the other player for you; it means they liked you more than the other player to begin with.

Let the DM decide who they are kicking or letting leave the game.


Talk to the Player

In a game I was DMing, there was one player who constantly insulted another player - her and her PC. She would occasionally insult other players as well, often over text. This was getting on a lot of people's nerves. I eventually talked to her about it, telling her that I was trying to run a friendly game environment and no one was happy with how she was talking to the other players. She toned down after that, and we continued playing.

You probably need to talk to this player and point out what they're doing that you don't like, and why you don't like it. I wouldn't get anyone involved unless they ignore you, in which case I would talk to the DM. You might consider discussing kicking the other player out of the game with the DM if this doesn't improve or worsens.

If nothing changes, a new group might be better for you.


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