I am currently hosting a group for Dungeons and Dragons. The DM is pushing new players into my home without asking. He claims he has this right because he is the DM. No one else wants to host. What can I do?

We have been playing for awhile and I like our group size (6). He's wanting to add 3 more people. I'm mad because they were just brought over without any of us being asked. Other players were too but they weren't comfortable being vocal about it.


5 Answers 5


You have the final say, and can say no.

Your DM seems to be mixing up their in-game authority and their real-life authority. Within the fiction of your Dungeons & Dragons games, the DM can do virtually whatever, because the game structure gives them unlimited narrative control.

However, this authority does not apply outside the game narrative, and the DM has no control over someone else's physical space. Similarly, the DM does not have any sort of "right" do to things that make you (as a human player) unsafe or uncomfortable.

The problem you are describing is occurring in the real world, and not in the fiction of a tabletop fantasy game. You live in the house and presumably have some legal ownership, therefore you have the final say in whether you physically host people in your home. It may be useful to talk to your DM about respecting your boundaries, which they are grossly overstepping.


There are two completely different and only slightly related topics here. Your house and the game. So, let us split the problem in these two sub-problems.

The House

Nobody can (or should be able to) enter your house, at least not without a warrant, without your permission. Period. If you don't want them in your house, you are completely in the right to deny them from entering. But the distinction that needs to be done is: this shouldn't be related to the game. From your comments, it seems you don't want them to join the game, and you are just using the fact that you own the house to try and enforce your point of view on the game. Specifically, you mention:

We have been playing for awhile and I like our group size (6). He's wanting to add 3 more people. I'm mad because they were just brought over without any of us being asked.

This doesn't seem related to the house. If the game was hosted in someone else's house (e.g., the DM's house), you would still be mad because players joined the game without anyone being asked. Which leads us to...

The Game

As discussed in other questions, e.g. Is adding a new player (or players) a DM decision, or a group decision? and How to resolve fundamental differences in perspective between players and DM about the roles each has in decision making? adding new players to a table should be a group decision. If some people want new players and others don't, then you should talk about it, listen to why the other people don't want new players or why they do, and figure out what is best to the table. Who owns the house should not be part of the equation, unless, for some reason, you actually feel unsafe with the new people (e.g. the current players are people you have known for a long time and trust, but the new players are random people, and you don't feel comfortable allowing random people entering your house). But, in that case, that is a very compelling argument to why you don't want them to join, unless someone else is willing to host the games, and when talking about it, the people in favor of bringing new players should listen to it, and I believe any reasonable person would agree that this is a very strong reason to deny the new players.


Nobody can enter your house without your permission, but this doesn't seem to be the issue. The issue seems to be about bringing new players to the table, and in that case, nobody has the final say, it is a group decision and should be talked about.


First, completely outside of anything having to do with RPGs, you have a legal right to control who does and who does not enter your house.

Second, there are no official "rights" that go with being the DM. There's only what the group permits, and what the group demands, and you're part of the group.

...but, really, if you're uncomfortable about letting strangers into your house, and the DM is insistent on bringing them in, you have a few different options.

  • You can just go along with it, and accept that your DM has the right to bring people to your home without asking you first. This is the option that your DM wants you to take. I don't suggest it.

  • You can decide that this DM is entirely too toxic, and leave the group. This is an entirely reasonable choice and may be the correct one, depending on exactly how toxic the group is. It may well result in the group collapsing entirely, and it almost certainly will result in burning bridges. If there are enough players who you don't consider toxic, and one of you can be convinced to DM, then you may be able to scavenge a new group from the husk of the old. It's going to get ugly, though.

  • You can stand on the aforementioned legal rights, and simply refuse to allow these trespassers into your house. It is reasonably likely that this will result in the DM trying to apply social and emotional costs to you to get you to bow to his will on this matter, and that's never fun. It's highly likely that this will result in bad blood between you and the new guys.

  • You can convince someone else to be host so that you don't have to deal with this particular issue in this particular way.

  • You can talk with your DM (if he's the kind to be willing to talk about stuff). Pick a time when you're both calm, and can discuss it reasonably. Ask why it is that he's so insistent on being able to bring new people into your house without asking you about it and so forth. Express that the idea of it makes you feel uncomfortable, and, if possible, provide some explanation of why. Try to focus your concerns around the effects on you as the host.


It's your house, not the GM's house.

The GM has final say over the game itself. But your house is your house, not the game, they have no rights over it.

I GM at one of my mate's houses, and I always run any new person by him before I invite them to his house, because it's his house. I have no right to give strangers his address and invite them into his home without telling him, or against his will. That's basic decency.

I would suggest talking to the GM about how you want this handled. Lay out the rules for use of the house. If the GM feels you need more players, they should talk to you about it, because it's your choice who, and how many people you invite into your home.

If this is a serious problem, rather than an annoyance, you may need to tell the GM that inviting people to your house without permission is a deal-breaker, and stop hosting the games.


There are two ways to interpret your question:

  1. As a legal question. You do not need to invite anyone into your house that you don't feel comfortable with. Once they are in, you can kick people out. Depending on your jurisdiction, you may be legally able to use varying degrees of force, and you can almost certainly call the police to kick out an uninvited (or suddenly unwelcome) guest. (In the US, this is called "trespassing" someone.)

  2. As a social question. Is it okay for the DM to invite players you don't want to play with, if they're inviting them into your house? As a good guest, they should not; but not everyone is a good guest, and bad guests can still be good company. Your first response should be to talk to the DM, and ask them not to invite people you don't know. If they refuse, then you need to figure out whether this is important enough to kick the new guests (and/or the gaming group or GM) out of the house.

But no matter how you slice it, the DM has vastly overstepped their bounds. It's common for the DM and the host to be the same person, and for the DM to wield quite a bit of social power as a result. But you're the host, and if you don't want people in the house, you can kick them out. As a host, you must trust your guests, at least that they won't steal the silverware. And if the DM shows up with new players, who will be repeatedly entering your house, he must get your agreement.

Remember: a DM with no players is not a DM. If any DM oversteps their bounds badly enough, they may end up with no players – or, in this case, without someone to host. Would you like to change DMs, or possibly DM yourself?


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