I'll preface this with a bit of detail about our game. It's all online (thanks, pandemic). We use Discord voice, D&D Beyond, and Roll20. It has been a nice distraction so far. This was my first experience with a D&D game and it has been everything I was hoping for and more. However, things have changed. Because we are a purely online group, it's challenging at times when you can't see the facial expressions or body language of your fellow players. As a result, we do end up with some dead air while everyone is waiting for someone else to go. For the most part, we've gotten better at that. But that's not the issue.
One of the players and the DM are a part of another group (pretty sure he's running the same campaign for them too, but in a different order). So this player has become pretty much the Spotlight Hog and an expert on all things of our campaign (Curse of Strahd). Whenever the party sets out to do something, this character just takes over. Whether it's exposition or talking to other characters, this character makes choices for the party as if the are the de facto leader. When this player doesn't get what they want or anyone voices a counterpoint (whether in character or out of character) the player becomes whiney and quiet and just doesn't participate. The DM allows this! And whenever the DM's NPC has to interact with us, it always feels like we need to hurry up our stuff so that the Spotlight Hog character can get back to their spot.
As a player, I stopped talking to the DM because it started to feel like I was bothering him more than having a conversation or getting my questions answered.
I am a part of a different group (Pathfinder) and the dynamic in that group is so entirely different it's enough to give me mental whiplash. There everyone's an equal and somehow my character wound up being made leader of the party. I am terrified of becoming a Spotlight Hog and so I make it a point to have my character solicit ALL the opinions of other characters or let the players have all the face time they need.
But when I play with the D&D group, every time I think that it'll be different, it'll be FUN again, and only end up sitting there quietly waiting my turn while the Spotlight Hog just does everything a character could possibly do. The other players allow it because one is a good friend, and the others don't have the same power of personality that this player does. I've thought about leaving the group, but I feel guilty leaving because I don't want to take away the only barrier between them and the S.H. The DM isn't doing anything (personally I think there's infatuation happening outside of the game, but that's pure speculation) and no one else is saying anything.
Do I leave the group? Do I try to talk to the DM (an act I think is going to result in me being asked to leave or it'll cause drama)? The SH? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I also don't want to just burn 4+ hours of my life a week for no reason.
I welcome ALL thoughts and suggestions. Please!