I am unsure if these kinds of questions are allowed, but if they are, I would like your advice on a situation for I would like an outside perspective.

I am completely new to DnD. I never watched any shows, or have completely read up on it. I have heard about it though, and I know the general concept of it. A friend had reached out to me and asked me to join (to which I accepted because I love writing, developing characters and stories, etc and they knew this information).

The friend (I will call Samantha) has a boyfriend named Dylan. Dylan is the DM. Two other friends of Samantha (Charlie and Dexter) also play as characters in the campaign. It is worth mentioning that this is an online session.

We start off. In the beginning, it all seemed fine. Unknowing to me, Dexter and Samantha had been in a quarrel via PM. Apparently, it had been about Dexter being "overly detailed", always "trying to take the lead", didn't get along with Samantha's character, etc. Samantha and Dylan came to the decision to kick Dexter out.

Throughout the campaign, there were times where I had to leave at a certain point because I had to work the next morning. So, Samantha and Charlie would continue the session (to which I did not mind at all) to work on unlocking Charlie's secretive backstory that they did not know about (this detail is important).

Samantha broke up with Dylan the DM. In attempt to save the campaign, Samantha started to DM for both me and Charlie. Samantha made her original character into the main bad guy.

Now, because of Charlie's special interactions (that occurred when I was not present) with Samantha's character, it seems that they have more bonuses and advantages.

I play as a paladin. Charlie plays as a Barbarian that carves the skulls of her enemies and wears part of their bones as armor. Samantha played a warlock that had a criminal background. I played in the style where my paladin helped them with quests and such to basically save the world, but did not forge much of a strong connection because of their certain behaviors (such as stealing).

It feels like I am being ousted. I did not talk to them about this feeling yet. I love my character and DnD, but I am falling out of love with the campaign. I know Samantha is trying hard to save the campaign, but it does not feel fair that I am being punished due to certain elements.

It is worth mentioning that the DM (Dylan) allowed Samantha to have a flying character but not me (we are both flying races and/or have the ability to fly), and felt like they had more resources when it came down to certain situations (such as having a connection to an NPC to solve a problem). Some ideas that I had for my character I have placed on a short document for them to view. They used only one small part of their story, while the DM went into depth with Charlie's and Samantha's characters. I felt underwhelmed and unhappy with my character (what could have been and what had actually occurred).

In this situation, what would you do? Would you talk to Samantha (the DM)? Leave the game?

  • \$\begingroup\$ Hey, welcome to SE! I'd suggest editing your question title to be more specific, so people can tell at a glance what you're asking. Maybe something like 'How do I talk to my DM about keeping my character balanced and involved after a lot of player churn and uneven play time?', or something similar. \$\endgroup\$
    – RSid
    Commented Apr 27, 2022 at 0:22
  • \$\begingroup\$ I took your suggestion! Thank you! \$\endgroup\$ Commented Apr 27, 2022 at 0:25

1 Answer 1


Just talk to them

Keep it short and simple. Don't worry so much with what's wrong, but think about what you want to be different. It can be as simple as, hey, I feel like my character is a little underwhelming, how can I make it more interesting?

It might also be worth exploring talking to the other participants about a new character or even a new campaign. You can start easy, along the lines of just discussing the ideas.

You can choose to discuss one-on-one first, or with the group. In my experience, if you're uneasy about it, it's often easier to start conversations super-casual, that way you can explore a bit before getting into a deep conversation.

Good luck!

  • \$\begingroup\$ Would it best if I approached this subject as a group (Dm and other player) or just the DM at first? \$\endgroup\$ Commented Apr 27, 2022 at 1:42
  • 2
    \$\begingroup\$ @AnonBlues104 Generally, conversations go better when you start with a one-on-one. You can expand to the group later, if needed, but you can't unring a bell and you can't start with a group meeting and retract it to a singular conversation. \$\endgroup\$
    – ValhallaGH
    Commented Apr 27, 2022 at 1:58

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