Disclaimer: This answer has some specific approaches for this situation based on things I inferred from the question. This is a tricky situation, and it may not be useful to you.
It sounds like you have, in part, a case of expectations mismatch. I'm guessing his college years campaigning were some time ago, back when roleplay as we now understand it wasn't always emphasized the same way. He's treating the NPCs not as people but as playing pieces in a game.
Here are some suggestions:
Encourage roleplay by giving examples
It sounds like his in character speech simply isn't being separated from his out of character declarations of actions. When he walks into a bar and is rude to the bartender, demanding information she'd never tell a stranger, what he means might be "I want to walk into the bar and make a Gather Information check".
So perhaps you can encourage him be more descriptive of his planned actions, and worry less about his exact words. Fill in the blanks for him - by the questions you ask, you can give him a hint as to how to make it go the way he wants.
I ask the crowd to tell me rumours about Garth the Smith.
"OK. Are you just walking up and asking them to tell a total stranger their secrets, or are you going to buy them a few drinks and get them chatting about their families first?"
Show him how a small change can get what he wants.
Make the party dynamic explicit
One idea may be useful in discussing the group dynamics. You say he's "just returned from deployment but is stationed away" - is he a serving member of the military? In that case there's a very good example you can suggest to him for interactions with other characters: his squad. (Or equivalent if he's in some other service.)
Military people get trained to back their squads up, no matter what. It doesn't matter whether you actually like your squad mates. Your life depends on them, and theirs on you.
Point out to him that D&D treats the party as a squad, and D&D 4th ed especially does so - the encounters and character classes are balanced by assuming the players are a combat team who support each other.
(I suggest that you point out that D&D 4 does this much more than earlier versions, because then you don't have to phrase it as a criticism. You're just updating him on the way thinking has changed between editions.)
You might ask your squad mates for help if you need money, but you don't charge them for firing bullets to cover them in action.
Share the screen time equally
You mention that he keeps interrupting other's actions. You could try enforcing a strict turn order, even in noncombat situations, for a while. That's slightly fiddly and clumsy, but it could help - simply don't let players interrupt each other's turns.
Turn constant "needs" into specific objectives
Finally, you can sometimes turn awkward background traits into controllable characterisation by turning them into specific goals.
For example, "my character is looking for money to feed his family" is kind of a generic, all-the-time thing. It colours his interactions - but one reason it does so is that it's not very detailed. He'll always need "money to feed his family".
But if you make it specific, you make it into an achievable goal which doesn't bother anyone the rest of the time. "My character needs 50gp a month to support his family" lets the player know when he's getting close - so he doesn't have to worry about every last penny the rest of the time.
Then you can make family members into extra motivational tools. Maybe his mother insists on throwing a party for everyone who's helped feed them all - hope he stayed on good terms with them! Maybe you can adjust the motivation in game time - one way to support his family is to help them support themselves. Maybe someone else has stolen the deeds to a family farm and he can help steal them back, or bring them to justice, or prove the deeds are a forgery. Maybe he can help his unemployed uncle find a job in the Big City. If he needs a new home, let him find one... if the undead can be cleaned out first.
Turn it into specific goals, then create adventures where they are achieved. (Do the same for other players, of course.)