First, see my comment on the question post. I'll only be answering the first question since the second one asking about buffs is too broad to attempt to answer here.
Incarnum, as far as I'm aware, requires specific classes. I don't believe you can just "add" it. It is from the DnD 3.5e book Magic of Incarnum, so if you/someone else doesn't have this then you are probably better off not using it.
As a general summary, Incarnum isn't necessarily a direct substitute for magic items. It acts something like a strange cross between spell-buffs and magic items. For a really good summary, I would suggest looking at this useful introductory guide. If you decide that you like the idea of Incarnum, it'd be a good idea to get the book (unless you already have it).
As a last note -- VoP is horrible, HORRIBLE on a monk. Monks struggle to keep up in DnD 3.5e anyway, so I'd recommend against this. There is one "ideal" build I know of (off topic to put it here, so I won't), but generally I'd advise considering another route.
