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Added notes on an article, mentioned Interpersonal, and added reminder to be thankful for friends' help.
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Joel Harmon
Joel Harmon
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  • The DMG. In every edition of D&D I've seen, the Dungeon Master's Guide has advice for the DM about different play styles. In the 5th edition DMG, this is on page 6. It has a description for each, but the list is Acting, Exploring, Instigating, Fighting, Optimizing, Problem Solving, and Storytelling.
  • This page is a summary of a popular theory known as 8 kinds of fun with links to the source research. This list is Sensation, Fantasy, Narrative, Challenge, Fellowship, Discovery, Expression, and Submission. [Note: this is the same source as the Angry GM article, but in a more family-friendly style]
  • This video lists a few other player archetypes. In particular, based on the description in your question I think you will relate to the Tactician, described at around 7:12.

Here are some brief DOs and DON'Ts for this kind of conversation. For more advice, consider asking over at the interpersonal sister site.

Do apologize, to the group at large or to specific individuals, if you think you were being a jerk at any point. Do talk about yourself and your motivations, as well as what you find boring or tedious. Do let others talk about their points of view as well.

Finally, ask them for help. They may have suggestions of their own. Generally, I have found that open communication works best. Simply let them know you are aware of this problem in general, but rarely in the moment. If you start doing it again, they should interrupt you and let you know. Then, if someone asks you to stop, you stop doing it and thank them for helping you be a better player.

  • The DMG. In every edition of D&D I've seen, the Dungeon Master's Guide has advice for the DM about different play styles. In the 5th edition DMG, this is on page 6. It has a description for each, but the list is Acting, Exploring, Instigating, Fighting, Optimizing, Problem Solving, and Storytelling.
  • This page is a summary of a popular theory known as 8 kinds of fun with links to the source research. This list is Sensation, Fantasy, Narrative, Challenge, Fellowship, Discovery, Expression, and Submission.
  • This video lists a few other player archetypes. In particular, based on the description in your question I think you will relate to the Tactician, described at around 7:12.

Do apologize, to the group at large or to specific individuals, if you think you were being a jerk at any point. Do talk about yourself and your motivations, as well as what you find boring or tedious. Do let others talk about their points of view as well.

Finally, ask them for help. They may have suggestions of their own. Generally, I have found that open communication works best. Simply let them know you are aware of this problem in general, but rarely in the moment. If you start doing it again, they should interrupt you and let you know. Then, if someone asks you to stop, you stop.

  • The DMG. In every edition of D&D I've seen, the Dungeon Master's Guide has advice for the DM about different play styles. In the 5th edition DMG, this is on page 6. It has a description for each, but the list is Acting, Exploring, Instigating, Fighting, Optimizing, Problem Solving, and Storytelling.
  • This page is a summary of a popular theory known as 8 kinds of fun with links to the source research. This list is Sensation, Fantasy, Narrative, Challenge, Fellowship, Discovery, Expression, and Submission. [Note: this is the same source as the Angry GM article, but in a more family-friendly style]
  • This video lists a few other player archetypes. In particular, based on the description in your question I think you will relate to the Tactician, described at around 7:12.

Here are some brief DOs and DON'Ts for this kind of conversation. For more advice, consider asking over at the interpersonal sister site.

Do apologize, to the group at large or to specific individuals, if you think you were being a jerk at any point. Do talk about yourself and your motivations, as well as what you find boring or tedious. Do let others talk about their points of view as well.

Finally, ask them for help. They may have suggestions of their own. Generally, I have found that open communication works best. Simply let them know you are aware of this problem in general, but rarely in the moment. If you start doing it again, they should interrupt you and let you know. Then, if someone asks you to stop, you stop doing it and thank them for helping you be a better player.

added 2 characters in body
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V2Blast
V2Blast
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You are not a problem player

You said "I'm a problem player", but also have the self-awareness to recognize "I’m ruining everyone’s fun". This means you are not a problem player. You are a player with a problem. You are looking to improve and willing to work for it. You will be fine.

You are spending time with some friends. Everyone is trying to have fun, but only some people are. This can happen because not everyone has fun the same way.

I recommend the following steps to improve the situation.

Learn

Fun is a surprisingly well-researched topic. Different people enjoy different things, and it's important to know what you and each of your friends are looking for in an RPG. Here are a few resources to get you started.

  • The DMG. In every edition of D&D I've seen, the Dungeon Master's Guide has advice for the DM about different play styles. In the 5th edition DMG, this is on page 6. It has a description for each, but the list is Acting, Exploring, Instigating, Fighting, Optimizing, Problem Solving, and Storytelling.
  • This page is a summary of a popular theory known as 8 kinds of fun with links to the source research. This list is Sensation, Fantasy, Narrative, Challenge, Fellowship, Discovery, Expression, and Submission.
  • This video lists a few other player archetypes. In particular, based on the description in your question I think you will relate to the Tactician, described at around 7:12.

I'm not sure there's a definite One True List to use. I recommend looking for a few more lists on your own to get a feel for what's out there.

Reflect

Now that you have some more background, think about each of the players in your group, including yourself. You may have pegged certain friends to certain roles the moment you learned about the role. Others are either a balance between two or more roles, or their motivations are a mystery to you. It's worth explicitly taking the time to grab a nice beverage and think about all this before you move on to the next step.

Talk

The other people at your table are your friends. You have a shared goal of having fun together. You should feel comfortable talking to them about it. Think of it like going out to dinner together. Some people love Thai, while others prefer Italian. Be aware of stronger restrictions; a vegan might not be able to eat anything if you go to the wrong place.

Remember that the group has two goals, in this order:

  • Nobody gets hurt
  • Everyone has fun

Do apologize, to the group at large or to specific individuals, if you think you were being a jerk at any point. Do talk about yourself and your motivations, as well as what you find boring or tedious. Do let others talk about their points of view as well.

Don't declare things about other people, such as what play style you think they are. Let them conclude that on their own. Don't dictate how they should play, based on some stuff you read on the internet.

Finally, ask them for help. They may have suggestions of their own. Generally, I have found that open communication works best. Simply let them know you are aware of this problem in general, but rarely in the moment. If you start doing it again, they should interrupt you and let you know. Then, if someone asks you to stop, you stop.

You are not a problem player

You said "I'm a problem player", but also have the self-awareness to recognize "I’m ruining everyone’s fun". This means you are not a problem player. You are a player with a problem. You are looking to improve and willing to work for it. You will be fine.

You are spending time with some friends. Everyone is trying to have fun, but only some people are. This can happen because not everyone has fun the same way.

I recommend the following steps to improve the situation.

Learn

Fun is a surprisingly well-researched topic. Different people enjoy different things, and it's important to know what you and each of your friends are looking for in an RPG. Here are a few resources to get you started.

  • The DMG. In every edition of D&D I've seen, the Dungeon Master's Guide has advice for the DM about different play styles. In the 5th edition DMG, this is on page 6. It has a description for each, but the list is Acting, Exploring, Instigating, Fighting, Optimizing, Problem Solving, and Storytelling.
  • This page is a summary of a popular theory known as 8 kinds of fun with links to the source research. This list is Sensation, Fantasy, Narrative, Challenge, Fellowship, Discovery, Expression, and Submission.
  • This video lists a few other player archetypes. In particular, based on the description in your question I think you will relate to the Tactician, described at around 7:12.

I'm not sure there's a definite One True List to use. I recommend looking for a few more lists on your own to get a feel for what's out there.

Reflect

Now that you have some more background, think about each of the players in your group, including yourself. You may have pegged certain friends to certain roles the moment you learned about the role. Others are either a balance between two or more roles, or their motivations are a mystery to you. It's worth explicitly taking the time to grab a nice beverage and think about all this before you move on to the next step.

Talk

The other people at your table are your friends. You have a shared goal of having fun together. You should feel comfortable talking to them about it. Think of it like going out to dinner together. Some people love Thai, while others prefer Italian. Be aware of stronger restrictions; a vegan might not be able to eat anything if you go to the wrong place.

Remember that the group has two goals, in this order:

  • Nobody gets hurt
  • Everyone has fun

Do apologize, to the group at large or to specific individuals, if you think you were being a jerk at any point. Do talk about yourself and your motivations, as well as what you find boring or tedious. Do let others talk about their points of view as well.

Don't declare things about other people, such as what play style you think they are. Let them conclude that on their own. Don't dictate how they should play, based on some stuff you read on the internet.

Finally, ask them for help. They may have suggestions of their own. Generally, I have found that open communication works best. Simply let them know you are aware of this problem in general, but rarely in the moment. If you start doing it again, they should interrupt you and let you know. Then, if someone asks you to stop, you stop.

You are not a problem player

You said "I'm a problem player", but also have the self-awareness to recognize "I’m ruining everyone’s fun". This means you are not a problem player. You are a player with a problem. You are looking to improve and willing to work for it. You will be fine.

You are spending time with some friends. Everyone is trying to have fun, but only some people are. This can happen because not everyone has fun the same way.

I recommend the following steps to improve the situation.

Learn

Fun is a surprisingly well-researched topic. Different people enjoy different things, and it's important to know what you and each of your friends are looking for in an RPG. Here are a few resources to get you started.

  • The DMG. In every edition of D&D I've seen, the Dungeon Master's Guide has advice for the DM about different play styles. In the 5th edition DMG, this is on page 6. It has a description for each, but the list is Acting, Exploring, Instigating, Fighting, Optimizing, Problem Solving, and Storytelling.
  • This page is a summary of a popular theory known as 8 kinds of fun with links to the source research. This list is Sensation, Fantasy, Narrative, Challenge, Fellowship, Discovery, Expression, and Submission.
  • This video lists a few other player archetypes. In particular, based on the description in your question I think you will relate to the Tactician, described at around 7:12.

I'm not sure there's a definite One True List to use. I recommend looking for a few more lists on your own to get a feel for what's out there.

Reflect

Now that you have some more background, think about each of the players in your group, including yourself. You may have pegged certain friends to certain roles the moment you learned about the role. Others are either a balance between two or more roles, or their motivations are a mystery to you. It's worth explicitly taking the time to grab a nice beverage and think about all this before you move on to the next step.

Talk

The other people at your table are your friends. You have a shared goal of having fun together. You should feel comfortable talking to them about it. Think of it like going out to dinner together. Some people love Thai, while others prefer Italian. Be aware of stronger restrictions; a vegan might not be able to eat anything if you go to the wrong place.

Remember that the group has two goals, in this order:

  • Nobody gets hurt
  • Everyone has fun

Do apologize, to the group at large or to specific individuals, if you think you were being a jerk at any point. Do talk about yourself and your motivations, as well as what you find boring or tedious. Do let others talk about their points of view as well.

Don't declare things about other people, such as what play style you think they are. Let them conclude that on their own. Don't dictate how they should play, based on some stuff you read on the internet.

Finally, ask them for help. They may have suggestions of their own. Generally, I have found that open communication works best. Simply let them know you are aware of this problem in general, but rarely in the moment. If you start doing it again, they should interrupt you and let you know. Then, if someone asks you to stop, you stop.

Source Link
Joel Harmon
Joel Harmon
  • 16.1k
  • 3
  • 60
  • 92

You are not a problem player

You said "I'm a problem player", but also have the self-awareness to recognize "I’m ruining everyone’s fun". This means you are not a problem player. You are a player with a problem. You are looking to improve and willing to work for it. You will be fine.

You are spending time with some friends. Everyone is trying to have fun, but only some people are. This can happen because not everyone has fun the same way.

I recommend the following steps to improve the situation.

Learn

Fun is a surprisingly well-researched topic. Different people enjoy different things, and it's important to know what you and each of your friends are looking for in an RPG. Here are a few resources to get you started.

  • The DMG. In every edition of D&D I've seen, the Dungeon Master's Guide has advice for the DM about different play styles. In the 5th edition DMG, this is on page 6. It has a description for each, but the list is Acting, Exploring, Instigating, Fighting, Optimizing, Problem Solving, and Storytelling.
  • This page is a summary of a popular theory known as 8 kinds of fun with links to the source research. This list is Sensation, Fantasy, Narrative, Challenge, Fellowship, Discovery, Expression, and Submission.
  • This video lists a few other player archetypes. In particular, based on the description in your question I think you will relate to the Tactician, described at around 7:12.

I'm not sure there's a definite One True List to use. I recommend looking for a few more lists on your own to get a feel for what's out there.

Reflect

Now that you have some more background, think about each of the players in your group, including yourself. You may have pegged certain friends to certain roles the moment you learned about the role. Others are either a balance between two or more roles, or their motivations are a mystery to you. It's worth explicitly taking the time to grab a nice beverage and think about all this before you move on to the next step.

Talk

The other people at your table are your friends. You have a shared goal of having fun together. You should feel comfortable talking to them about it. Think of it like going out to dinner together. Some people love Thai, while others prefer Italian. Be aware of stronger restrictions; a vegan might not be able to eat anything if you go to the wrong place.

Remember that the group has two goals, in this order:

  • Nobody gets hurt
  • Everyone has fun

Do apologize, to the group at large or to specific individuals, if you think you were being a jerk at any point. Do talk about yourself and your motivations, as well as what you find boring or tedious. Do let others talk about their points of view as well.

Don't declare things about other people, such as what play style you think they are. Let them conclude that on their own. Don't dictate how they should play, based on some stuff you read on the internet.

Finally, ask them for help. They may have suggestions of their own. Generally, I have found that open communication works best. Simply let them know you are aware of this problem in general, but rarely in the moment. If you start doing it again, they should interrupt you and let you know. Then, if someone asks you to stop, you stop.