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I'll try to not go too deep into detail and this might turn into a small rant, so sorry in advance. For easier reading I added some subtitles. ;-)

Here is some context

My group and I (4 players, amazing DM) play for almost 2 years now and it is the first rpg group for all of us. It was very clear early on, that we have different playstyles (mainly me), which is mostly fine. While the others are more focussed on combat and doing their own thing in character, I'm more of a role-/teamplayer. While I also like some good old chop chop action, I love playercharacter and NPC interactions just as much. Now we do have one main plot hook, that keeps the characters together and until a few months ago this was enough to keep the group in a relatively good state. My character seems to be the only one with enough social capabilities to be able to get some higher standing NPC contacts and drive the group into a direction where we can actually rally some folk and do "big stuff" (meaning: fight devils - level).

The problem

Now the other PCs did some things, that don't sit right with my character and actually threaten my PC's life. So I tried resolving the problem by talking with the group in game (my PC mentioned his concerns two times before) where I was met with no understanding and my concerns were quickly dismissed and even made fun of. This really bothered me out of game, so I talked to the players and asked them to be a bit more forthcoming in order to make it easier for me to justify that my character stays in the group despite those differences. This was met with some ambivalence and I don't feel like they really cared - it felt kinda like they were saying "Well it's your problem, not ours.". Now I admit at that point (our latest session) I took their ignorance personal and their reaction (or lack there of) hurt me. From my point of view I had done so much for the group in and out of game and now they are not willing to have one (in my eyes) small nice moment of appreciation with my PC, which also doesn't cost them a thing, to make me happy? It also bothers me that somehow the other characters are way more friendly towards some random NPC than they are towards my character who has gone out of his way to help them or do them some small favors (which they have never done for my PC so far).

My role in the group

As I mentioned before, we have very different playstyles and I don't mind accomodating to them so they can have their fun moments. This situation though has bothered me for a while now and I find myself enjoying the game less, cause I seem to ALWAYS be the voice of reason in the group (e.g. making them take prisoners instead of butchering everyone, not stealing from the king etc.) without anyone actually listening or appreciating those efforts. Being the reasonable one was the job I was aiming for by creating this character, but they make my job so much harder than it needs to be and take the fun for me out of it... We all want to play this amazing story our DM has created for our PCs specifically and are invested, but my fellow players are not at all invested in any other PCs than their own. Which is fine I guess, but I feel like my wishes for more in game teambuilding (or at the very least not giving reasons to leave the group) are not being heard.

Talking to the DM

I talked to the DM about this (maybe I am the problem?) and he understands my side and sees the problem, but doesn't know how he can help. He also mentioned that if my character were to leave the group, the other PCs would have a hard time driving the plot forward cause, as I said, my character is (I guess thanks to my roleplaying-affinity and the DM rewarding that) the only one with considerable ties to important NPCs.

Also

I'm all for doing silly stuff and we have a lot of fun memories, but because of plot, we now have to act and think bigger than "tavern shenanigans" and becoming small "village heroes". Killing some monsters in the woods for some gold doesn't cut it anymore. I really love the story and want to see where it takes us and how we can shape the world. And despite my rant, I like the other characters as well. I think my group has tremendous potential, but if they continue to refuse to acknowledge the obvious in game problems I don't see how this group can work for me anymore. It's a game after all and isn't it the responsibility of all players (and DMs) to make sure that everyone has fun?

Some advice please

Have you been in a situation like this? What did you do? Should I just drop the in-group issues? Should I move on and focus just on my fun and my characters journey and "ignore" the actions of the other PCs?

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    \$\begingroup\$ Welcome to RPG.SE! Take the tour if you haven't already, and check out the help center for more guidance. Your underlying question of "What can I do to make them care for my fun as a player and the well-being of my character?" definitely seems answerable here, but you should avoid generic open-ended requests for advice/input - they tend to attract low-quality answers that don't directly address the issue. \$\endgroup\$
    – V2Blast
    Commented Jan 27, 2020 at 11:06
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    \$\begingroup\$ To second V2Blast, I agree that the actual request is a little open-ended. The question itself is on-topic here, it's a well presented post, and you've included what you've tried, etc, but the title and the bit at the end could be made a little more specific. \$\endgroup\$
    – NathanS
    Commented Jan 27, 2020 at 11:18
  • \$\begingroup\$ You mentioned that your companions care more about combat. Do they care at all about the plot or they just want to kill stuff and play their character? I asked because it seems you and your DM are the only ones that cares about the plot (since moving the plot seems to be your work). If that is true, then you and possibly your DM want to play a different game then your companions. \$\endgroup\$
    – Chepelink
    Commented Jan 27, 2020 at 13:30
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    \$\begingroup\$ The other players seem to be more of the passive consumer type. They do care about the plot, very much so, but they either don't know what to do (maybe they don't see the hooks our DM throws at us) or they think they're already doing the right stuff and our DM will eventually carry us forward. I don't really know, since I haven't asked them about that specifically. \$\endgroup\$
    – SmuSma
    Commented Jan 27, 2020 at 14:16
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    \$\begingroup\$ Can you give some more specific examples of a bad interaction? \$\endgroup\$
    – NotArch
    Commented Jan 27, 2020 at 14:56

5 Answers 5

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This is not the answer you're hoping for but, unfortunately, there is vast incompatibility with your playstyle and the rest of the group. Since every single one of the group either does not care or won't intervene to help you, you have four options:

Option 1: Accept the Situation and Adjust Your Playstyle

This is the most "realistic" way of dealing with it. Simply accept that this campaign is not about deep roleplaying and adjust your PC's actions accordingly to accommodate the group's style. You can also reroll a new PC that is compatible with the group. This is not ideal, of course, since, you're likely to love your current PC by now.

Option 2: Press the Situation and Offer Alternatives

Roleplaying games are team games. The goal is for everyone to have fun. Since you're not having as much fun as the rest, you have the right, in my opinion, to press the situation a bit. Before the next session starts, ask to speak to everyone. State your case once more. Let the group know that you're not having as much fun as the rest. Explain what it would be ideal for you and then ask them whether they can meet you in the middle. Be sure to offer a few examples of how an event could work for everyone.

Option 3: Become the Antagonist!

If the group's actions clash with your PC's morality, why not becoming enemies? This is not everyone's style of course and you have to be 100% sure that your GM likes the idea. If they do like the idea though, this is the perfect opportunity to dive deeper into your PC's persona. "I used to consider these people my comrades. It is clear, however, that they are the villains. Someone has to stop them." This will most likely cause an early death for your PC, but at least he/she will go out with style and you won't have to betray your feelings.

Option 4: Look for Another Group

If everything else fails, you can always look for another group, or even starting one as the GM.

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    \$\begingroup\$ Given that OP specified they prefer a team player style, I doubt that becoming an antagonist would be a viable option here. \$\endgroup\$
    – MikeQ
    Commented Jan 27, 2020 at 17:59
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    \$\begingroup\$ @MikeQ That's true, however, I wanted to cover as many options as possible. \$\endgroup\$
    – Aventinus
    Commented Jan 27, 2020 at 18:45
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    \$\begingroup\$ There's a variant to Option 3, which is "my PC becomes an NPC antagonist, and I roll a new character whose alignment/outlook is more in tune with the group" \$\endgroup\$
    – ktt4d
    Commented Jan 27, 2020 at 22:14
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    \$\begingroup\$ A modification for #3 that she might enjoy- Deny them the use of her contacts for a short while. Use those contacts for herself for a small portion, leaving them to figure something out on their own. Rejoin them when they do, requesting they acknowledge her value to the party and change their behavior accordingly. That might lead to a party-breaking scene, however, but it would show whether this group/game/character can be salvaged. \$\endgroup\$
    – Starshine
    Commented Jan 27, 2020 at 22:49
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    \$\begingroup\$ Thanks for these Suggestions! Unfortunately I already did become the antagonist with my first PC (the current one is the second) which resulted in the best and most epic plot twist (which is basically our main plot hook to this day) and my DM and I agreed to not repeat this scheme. \$\endgroup\$
    – SmuSma
    Commented Jan 29, 2020 at 23:35
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If you have the backing of the DM, and his agreement in advance try this:

Next time the other characters upset your character, have your character storm off and leave the group. Make sure you don't make it personal out of game - "I have no problem with this, but my character is upset and it's what my character would do."

Give the other characters a chance to go after him and make amends, but if they don't the DM can have another character ready for you to play and join the group. This should be fine until the party discovers that your character has things they need to win the battle, at which point they maybe get another chance to go and get him back. If they invite him back you relinquish your new character and go back to the old. (New guy can become an NPC, or maybe just have an unfortunate accident). This only really works if your party is somewhere civilized that your character could reasonably hang out for a bit - not if they are all alone in the Wilderness of Death.

Fundamentally this isn't different from any other puzzle the players have to solve. A character has stuff they need - they need to go and get it. It's just they have to be nice, instead of stealing it from him.

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  • \$\begingroup\$ Side note--play the character behind the scenes, arrange with the DM to enable a "fast track" progression so they can be a level higher than the rest of the group, maybe pick up a couple special items that motivate the rest of the group to at least maintain a veneer of politeness to retain your loyalty. Not an overwhelming advantage, just enough to make the reconciliation more tempting and the next (potential) absence a little more painful. \$\endgroup\$
    – Cristobol Polychronopolis
    Commented Jan 28, 2020 at 20:52
  • \$\begingroup\$ I'll brainstorm with my DM about this, but that could maybe work. It's risky, but worth a try. Thanks :) \$\endgroup\$
    – SmuSma
    Commented Jan 29, 2020 at 23:36
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As someone who has played in... 5 different groups I guess (with some overlap, both time-wise and player-wise), 3 of which I still play (one bi-weekly, others like bi-annually...). While I don't see it impossible to return to the other two, I stopped playing there for reasons similar to yours. And I've talked with some others who've been in same games and they did seem get my issue 100%, pretty much before I could finish explaining, so it wasn't just me being unreasonable.

Here's my take: If it is at all realistic, find a different group.

While there is always need to adapt, sometimes adapting makes the game not fun for you. You have tried talking with other players, and apparently they just don't see your problem, and don't view the game same way as you do. Like you, this game is all they know, so expecting them to suddenly get a new perspective... Unlikely. So it will be very hard for them to adapt, because they have quite different viewpoint, and just you alone adapting is not fun for you.

Just be sure you do leaving so that you can return, too. It may mean you don't explain yourself too much, unless they explicitly ask, and especially avoid getting upset yourself. You need space, that's all. They don't need to get it, you don't need to make them to see. Just "I gotta take a break, do something new." The grass may be greener elsewhere, or maybe not, but it will give you perspective, and make any future game&group more enjoyable for you, and make you more fun to play with for others too.

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I've had a few times where I got tired of being the voice of reason in the group. What I found that worked was to roleplay my character correctly: my character got tired of hanging out with the rest of the group and left the group peaceably. Then I brought in a different character that wouldn't feel obliged to be the voice of reason.

It wasn't a perfect solution because it left the group sort of directionless. (Or, rather, it left the DM in charge of railroading the group into doing the story, since my character wasn't helping any more.) But it solved my problem of feeling like my character was the only one that was trying to get things done.

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I'd have my character make a very dramatic exit from the group. Make some over exaggerated accusations, swear to go on a quest to undo the evils they allegedly have committed. It's a game of make-believe, let it play out! Stop metagaming with the main quest, it's the DM's problem!

Work with the DM to have him either be a new NPC, or slip in the role of a future NPC. Maybe he can become a member of the Magistrate and they will see your character and his attitudes between story arcs, or the character becomes a future quest giver.

Introduce a new character that's closer in alignment with the rest of the group (or isn't but has some curse or burden that prevents the character from being there)

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