How to work with a player who cites ADHD as reason for disruptive behavior

Question

I regularly run an Adventurers League table at a local game cafe. For the last few weeks I've been trying to incorporate a college age player into the group who hasn't worked out at other tables.

He's been displaying some disruptive behavior like drawn-out fights over rulings, fudging stats, and getting frustrated when I point out mistakes in his use of features. Rude and sudden outbursts--although enthusiastic ones--have already deterred several new players from returning to the store. He's gotten slightly better, but the same exact mistakes occur session after session.

When I approached him one-on-one before a session to figure out how we can work together better, he became slightly irritated and claimed that he's forgetting things as a result of his ADHD and that there's nothing he can do about it. He used a similar explanation later when I pointed out that this was the fourth time I had to repeat a specific setting description to him while he was on his phone.

I think he feels targeted due to his ADHD, after he has claimed I'm being unfair with rulings and challenges, especially when faced with scenarios that make it difficult for his monk to simply walk up and punch enemies.

I want to work with this player if possible. Since I have no perspective on ADHD I'm blind to how much of this is justified, but I'd be loath to let him push players around at my table. How can I effectively address this player's behavior in a way that won't close him off further?

What measures can I take to make this player feel welcome at my table without allow his distractions to disrupt the existing group, or letting him get away with being overly aggressive? Since this is Adventurers League, I don't really have a way to approach him in private, but I could try talking to him before the session again. But at what point can I safely say it's just not going to work and he's going to keep on fighting the other players/myself?

Answer 1

I don't know your player, but I know something about playing D&D in AL with ADHD. That's my hobby. I also know something about working with young adults with ADHD in structured settings. That's my profession.

We shouldn't be trying to diagnose your player over the internet, so let's stick with the facts as you've laid them out: a player is disruptive, attributes much/most/all of that to ADHD, and you want to try to help them play without being disruptive. None of that is up for debate.

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First thing to think about are the specific strengths and weaknesses this brings to your player. (In my experience they're one and the same.) The flip-side of inattention is the ability to quickly task-switch. The flip-side of fidgeting is working tirelessly at a trivial mechanical task. The flip-side of outbursts is spontaneous creativity.

With those in mind it's time to think about how an AL D&D game works, how it interfaces with those, how (much) to highlight areas where D&D plays to a strength, and how to mitigate those situations where D&D plays to a weakness.

• Some games feature long (say, half-hour) scenes and combats, others have multiple storylines/scenes going on at once.
• Some games feature a tactile component, some don't.
• Some tables are happy with first-person improvisational scenes playing out in unexpected ways, others want to stick with third-person or "zoomed-out" scenes.
• You're almost certainly in a public location with other games going on, foot traffic, and lots of noise from other activities.

In no particular order, here are suggestions for how to turn some of those things to your advantage, how to ameliorate others, and how to make use of your player's strengths. All borne from personal experience.

1. Use minis/markers/scrap-paper chits. Even if you'll never sketch out a map, have them out on the table to represent marching order, chatting with NPCs, exploring town. I keep a miniature croupier's stick in my game-bag and this, along with minis on the table that need to be moved every ten minutes, probably occupies ~30% of my fidget-time. This requires some self-control, as they can't be constantly playing with the minis in the middle of the table. But even during social scenes it can help to be all "So, Princess Vespa. At last I have you in my clutches."

2. Ask them to take good notes. It's a second set of ears to catch a detail you made up on the fly. It's a virtually-constant mechanical task if they embrace it. Flipping back through notes to find a piece of information is another side-task they can call on when needed. And you've got copious campaign notes. Where's the downside? This captures ~60% of my fidgetry.

3. Encourage them to sketch/doodle. The entrance to the temple you just painstakingly described. The layout of the buildings you mentioned in this village. Their character's signature spell going off. This occupies the last !10% of my fidgetry.

4. Have them shoulder some game-responsibility. Got 20 goblins' HP to track? This is your player-assistant: they can play their character and keep an ear out for damage done to mooks for you. That sort of regular task-switching actually eases their experience, and it (hopefully) relieves some of your game-running burden. This obviously requires some trust in their honest play, which seems at question. But I'm not sure how to trace that back to ADHD. I think you need to address that separately.
5. Use them as your reference librarian. My AL GM rarely has to look anything up, because I've already got the book open to the page they want. Again, we've ticked up some quick task-switching and tactile engagement, search-and-find simplicity, all hopefully making your life easier. Again, there's some self-control needed here: I always lay it out there for my GM without saying a word, and just close it up and put it away if he doesn't reach for it.

At this point, btw, we should also have solved the "I have to tell him the scene four times" and "he's on the phone" problems. He's likely on the phone because passively listening to something cannot occupy his attention. But "listen and jot the name and one-line description of every NPC, occasionally flipping to a little-used spell's description" may just be the sweet spot for attention and engagement.

6. Choose (your seat) wisely. You're in a super-distracting environment. Pick a corner/side table if you can. It may be tempting to seat this player with their back to the room--resist that. Seat them by the wall, facing everything. IME the visual distractions aren't the problem as much as the conversations at other tables. It's much easier to avert your eyes than it is to avert your ears. This, of course, helps your other players, too. At an AL location with more than two tables or multiple events going on, everyone's working overtime to filter stimuli. This also probably requires someone--likely you--to be good abut getting there on the early side. That's your talk-with-the-tough-player time: ask them to also come on the early side.

7. Schedule breaks. I don't know about your AL, but my sessions often run three-plus hours. I have a player at one site who really cannot sit for more than twenty minutes--your player may be in the same boat. (By the way, it's probably undesirable for all the other players, too.) Announcing and maintaining a practice of drink-break 1.5 hrs in, bio-break 2.5 hrs in can do a lot. If nothing else, it means that during those two times the player's up-and-about they're not missing new activity. But it's not nothing: knowing that there's a scheduled break at minute 90 can make it much easier not to jump out of one's seat during minutes 70-110.

8. Discuss length of scenes, beforehand if possible. "We're heading into a town you've never seen. Do you want to RP the getting-to-know-you-parts for the next half hour, or do you want to approach it some other way?" When your table's decided, you follow that decision. This way your player(s) who might have trouble focusing during those scenes have advance warning and they can bring their attention-management resources to bear.

9. Get in a habit of declaring intent when heading into a scene. A scene where the table's said "we're trying to buy access to the royal ball" does not sound like a good fit for some random-seeming blurted out idea coming from left field. But the scene "let's head to the docks and see what adventure we can roust" is a nice fit for a wild cannon. Get your table into the habit of declaring intent ahead of time, and thus let this (and all) players know when which playstyles are going to be appropriate or not. P.S. knowing your players' intent makes things much easier for you.

10. Give them explicit warnings. During some of your conversations be perfectly frank with them: "I can't have you disrupting play, it's my responsibility to make sure everyone gets a good experience. I will ask you to leave if I need to. But here's the other half of the deal: I'll let you know if that's coming. If it seems to me that you're disturbing someone else I'll tell you with a note. And I'll tell you if it happens again. And then I'll tell you to leave. And I won't hold a grudge." This, of course, is a fair way to treat any player. Discuss it with your site coordinator: they've got your back.

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Final thoughts:

• You mention fudging rolls/cheating. It's hard to see how that would stem directly from ADHD, so I didn't really address it. I feel like it needs to be addressed independently, though to the extent that it might stem from boredom/frustration the above might help. This needs more-targeted intervention--the kind you'll find wisdom for if you look at question on cheating.
• You mention misusing class features. I've got a severe ADHD player in one group who regularly claims they've got features and spells five or ten levels out of reach. I simply say "no you don't," hand them the PHB open to the correct page, and skip over their turn in combat until they present an action which is within their character's abilities. (I check back quickly at the end of each other player's turn.) To be clear: this isn't a player trying to cheat, this is a player who--I think--had never read a paragraph of the class description front-to-back before we started.
• This player might be able to play in Adventurers League, they may not. No matter whether you help this player develop these skills or they end up getting perma-banned by the site coordinator, I think you'll end up the better for the effort. Keep up the good work.

Answer 2

Your player is not taking ownership of their condition

A disclaimer before I start, first I'm not familiar with the AL's rules and recourse for DMs dealing with problem players. Secondly, I'm not a psychiatrist or doctor. That being said, I do LARP and have ADHD myself. The former means you end up being friends with a lot of people with weird personalities and mental issues. We generally enforce the rule that, "your mental illness is not an excuse to be an asshole." There are several people who have been asked to leave our game because they use their mental issues as an excuse to be disruptive or hurtful to others. If you try a few things to no success, it's not unreasonable to boot him.

Some of the things described sound like a worse version of myself. More specifically, a younger version of myself, which is unfortunate for you because I was a bit of a prick in my early 20's. As I've gotten older, I've gotten better at managing it, but it still causes me trouble from time to time.

I can tell you that having to repeat things several times because of distraction isn't uncommon. There are times where you and I are having a conversation and I just zone out for 20 seconds and am trying to figure out what's going on when I zone back in. Sometimes this means I've got to ask someone to repeat themselves as a result. What stands out as odd is that if I've asked someone to repeat themselves, I don't pick up my phone and proceed to ignore them, instead I focus harder on paying attention and I do this because I'm trying to take ownership of my condition. If the phone is the distraction then it needs to either be left in the car or in a bag. The player needs to take ownership of their condition and minimize things that will distract their focus.

Your player is interested in the game, which means if he has ADHD he's pretty much read the rule books 3 times. This often results in a player who is canny with the rules, but really doesn't do well with things that challenge what he already knows (or thinks he knows). As the DM, your job is to come up with on the fly rulings or to adjudicate situations wherein you know more than the players. Sometimes those rulings differ from the rule books whether out of ignorance or some in-game reason. I recommend that you don't permit any rules arguments unless the player has an exact page open for you to compare to. Shut down all other arguments and even the ones you permit, do not let them drag out. It is simply a yes or no and nothing else. They need to take ownership of their condition and recognize that you have the final say and their arguments are generally disruptive to the table.

Since the player is consistently trying to excuse their behavior by citing their ADHD (which isn't an excuse), I strongly recommend that you come up with a subtle means to remind them to check themselves. If they are open about their ADHD, you can skip subtlety and say, "Your ADHD is getting out of control, please rein it in." If they're not out, then provide him a subtle signal you'll give him to essentially say the same thing.

Regardless of the openness of the situation, meet beforehand and inform him that he needs to improve or he will have to leave. In addition, tell him your expectations for the specific issues. Finally, let him know that you'll be reminding him to check himself when you deem it necessary. Depending how bad it is, you might have this conversation twice.

If the player does not take ownership of their condition, you absolutely should remove them from the game.

Answer 3

Sorry, this is going to be a bit of a long post. I myself have predominantly inattentive form of ADHD, and I have a good friend with combined, that is both inattentive and hyperactive-impulsive. We both play DnD regularly with people with little to no issues. The people who don't have it at the table are usually drinking.

ADHD is not an excuse for the majority of his behavior if he is aware of it. If he knows it's easy for him to get distracted then he should put his phone on silent, turn it off, or put it away. I would maybe suggest a no phones rule at the table. When I was younger it was almost impossible for me to control my outbursts if I was off medication, and I still have trouble with interrupting people occasionally.

Just because outbursts are typically normal with ADHD doesn't mean you should treat him much different though. Be nice and give him signals to calm down or something during the game, but outside of the game you have every right to tell him he needs to work on it. ADHD is not a free pass to be annoying or disruptive.

As far as rulings, well, that's not an ADHD thing. That's just an annoying player thing. The solution that I myself use as a DM, and all my friends use when they DM is that they ultimately make the rules. We make up a rule on the spot sometimes or use pre-ordained homebrew rules to move the game along. If you let him know and everyone else know that you do what you gotta do to make the game more fun and move it along I think most people would understand. There isn't really any winning or losing in DnD, there is just playing.

Fudging his stats and cheating is just plain bad and also has nothing to do with ADHD. I would possibly make an announcement that if you catch people doing it then bad things will come their way, and that if they continue to do it then they are not welcome in the group. I guess you could also incentivize them by giving them inspiration when they do something awesome, if you aren't already.

TL;DR: Outbursts and distractions are hard to keep in check with ADHD, but there is absolutely something he can do to try and fix those things. ADHD is not a free pass to be a troublemaker. Drawn out fights about rulings and cheating is not something to do with ADHD. Put your foot down, explain that ultimately you make the rules, and that cheating will be punished or get them kicked out.

Answer 4

I frequently get these types of players, and interestingly, they've often turned out to be some of my best due to the enthusiasm and excitement they brought to the table.

Here are a few phrases I've used to deal with them:

1. “Player2, could you take a look at Player1’s character sheet/abilities?” – this enlists the aid of an experienced player in troubleshooting the ADHD player’s rules confusion (or fudging). It also frees you up.
2. “Player1, could you look up that ability in the PHB? Something seems off.” – this directly occupies the ADHD player (as well as freeing you up). It also facilitates learning.
3. “OK” – whenever an ADHD player wants to do something weird, just say yes (i.e. letting him off the leash means he won’t pull against it). This can often make for a fun/exciting session (hilarity often ensues as he gets himself in hot water). Soon he’ll look to reel himself in (especially when the DM grins and says "sure"), and likely starting taking advice from other players.
4. “Hey, I’m just following the rules” – this prevents you from being the bad guy and establishes expectations. So if the rules say that a melee character takes damage from striking say, a certain fire creature, just show him the rule (but if there is no rule, avoiding making one up if possible because RAW generally is RAI when it comes to AL).
5. “Until we can research the rules on this, I’m going to let a die roll decide (high=good for you/low=bad for you)” – this ends rule debates, prevents you from being the bad guy, and buys you some time for research (possibly here on StackExchange).
6. "The expert rules-lawyers at StackExchange have an up-voted answer to this exact rule you're having trouble with" - this should pretty much be a debate ender even for ADHD players.

Answer 5

If he's college aged, then he should have developed some coping mechanisms for his ADHD. Have you tried asking him if he'd mind sharing some of these with you so you can decide together which might be practical for him to use during the game?

As an example, a friend I used to play D&D (and other RPGs) with has ADHD, let's call him Bill. Bill always brought a couple energy drinks and something he could fidget with in his lap if need be, as well as a notebook and pens. He took notes and sketched outlines to keep himself occupied and help him keep focused on what was happening in-game. If that didn't work, he fidgeted with whatever he'd brought (usually an action figure or mini rubix cube) in his lap, so as not to distract everyone else. Finally, if he got too bad, he'd go for the caffeine. On the occasion that he didn't notice his own behavior starting to escalate, the GM would ask Bill if he needed a break and he understood that was his cue to break out the next coping tool.

We never had any issues with him cheating or fighting, but it sounds like your guy might just be trying to use willpower alone to get through the game, which clearly isn't working for him.

Another answer mentioned scheduled breaks. We used to do this too and it seemed to help. Actually, everyone appreciated it. We also had a no-phone rule during game play, which might help you if your player is getting distracted by his phone. Its harder to listen when you're reading or watching something on your phone than when you're fidgeting with an action figure or the like.

Answer 6

Since I don't have enough experience with ADHD to make any kind of valid judgement, and many others already have, I'll come at this from a different angle.

Firstly - as you mentioned with your discussion with him; he feels separated or targeted because of his condition. One thing you can do, is simply accept his behaviours, and deal with them appropriately. Of course, getting upset and accusing people, regardless of whether or not he has ADHD is not acceptable, however, the frustration, and distraction are just going to be part of the package. So I'll suggest a few things that might help these issues.

1. The "Talking Stick"

This isn't so much a control of "I'm talking now, so wait your turn", but simply an inclusion with the group. Everyone uses the talking stick, regardless. This might help him feel a bit more "on-par" with the rest of the group. Also, with a very obvious item (like a brightly coloured stick, or a ball or something like that), it's very easy to focus on, and therefore he might have an easier time tracking the progression of the party.

2. A "Cheat Sheet"

This is for his own reference. List down his PC abilities, how to roll, actions in turns, and other things that he will be doing regularly. This should help him remember what/how to roll for certain actions or skills, etc. Looking things up in the rulebook can be a bit frustrating - taking the time to go through the book, find the right section, read out the rule, explain it so it makes sense; it can take time, and it can distract the player from what he is doing, as well as frustrate them because they are already trying to do something. With a cheat sheet, you can simply refer to it - "Ok, so you want to move into battle, then attack. So (pointing to the cheat sheet) you roll a d20 to hit, plus modifiers, then if you hit, you roll..." Simple and easy, and keeps them focussed on the task.

3. Open rolls

I have also been given this advice when it comes to roll-fudging. Simply enforce that everyone rolls in the middle of the table. This can be a win-win; everyone can see the roll, so nobody cheats; and everyone is involved. Remember, you want to keep him focussed, so making a spectacle of the rolls can keep him on target.

4. Let the group know

This is going to be sensitive, since he already feels separated due to his condition. However, looking at it from the other side, everyone else at the table might just thinks he's a bit of an arrogant prick. Knowing he has ADHD might actually help the group accept his behaviours a bit more, and be more accepting of him, and more willing to help. Talk to him first about this, obviously, before going to the group.

5. Breaks

Sometimes, you might just need to take a breather. This can help everyone get their heads back on straight, and maybe have a bit of a talk about tactics in the next fight, or have a laugh about someone's silly antics, but ultimately it'll help everyone to cool off.

All in all, dealing with someone with ADHD is going to be a group effort. He does need to accept responsibility of his actions a bit more, because a condition is no excuse for being an butthead. But, with your help, and the groups help, things might be able to flow a little more smoothly.

Answer 7

The onus should not be solely on you to find solutions for this stuff.

Taking your guy at his word, if he's been living with ADHD for many years, he's presumably worked out some coping mechanisms for this. (If he hasn't, now is an excellent time to start - not just for the game, but for his own sake as somebody who has to interact with the world.) It's reasonable to ask him to make some suggestions on things that would help.

One possibility might be for him to use a character-sheet app e.g. Hero Lab. HL automatically checks character sheets for rules violations and displays a list of any illegal results, and it also provides convenient summaries of character abilities with the relevant rules. If he genuinely is forgetting what abilities he has or how they work, this should be a huge help.

If he's not willing or able to suggest work-arounds, then you're well within your rights to say "sorry, but this really isn't working in our game".

Answer 8

As someone who has ADHD (it is generally mild except for bad days), I can tell you that his parents let him use that as an excuse to not grow up. I wonder if he was actually diagnosed with ADHD or if it was simply a label that his parents used to excuse his behavior instead of correcting it.

For reference: my major issue usually is "need input" and, sometimes, being a bit hair trigger. If there isn't enough going on, I get a bit fidgety. So, I play with my dice or doodle and look around the room just to give my hands and eyes something to do while I'm listening to the GM.

I also have a friend who has ADHD so bad that he doesn't even try to play DnD. He can't sit still long enough to read a book without medication let alone sit still for 4-6 hours doing one thing. However, while he can be annoying at times, his parents did not raise him to be a jerk.

I'd give the offender the boot. It isn't your job to try to undo the bad parenting he received. He is costing you new players who want to play and you are running a game not a day care. Let the rest of the real world teach him, it's not your job.