I wanna preface this whole thing by saying that some of my party get along well and interact with the story - not to mention that outside of the campaign, I get along great with the other players. They're all my good friends! I also wanna say that I love the people I play with in this campaign and I know my DM doesn't mean to just focus on them... At least I hope not. However, I don't know what to do at this point and I'm hoping to find some advice.

I joined a campaign with some friends of mine about a year ago! We play every week and recently I had to swap characters. I decided to play a Ranger as my new character and I thought all would be well! I decided my backstory with my DM, went through everything I needed to and joined the party. All was well... For a little bit. But then the other players refused to ever ask for my input, ignoring that I'm there most of the time.

The DM focuses every session on a different player (we have 6) and for 2 months I haven't gotten focus, not even once. I feel kind of unwanted and each session is just a frustrating mix of being talked over by the mightier than thou players who yell over me and ignore me and not getting to do anything because everyone ignores my input. The Bard is the only one who interacts with me, and that's because our characters knew each other before I joined the group.

Example of what happens: We got dragged into helping this guy get artifacts from a king. I never agreed to put in my money to buy them, because I want nothing to do with this shady guy! However, the DM and players put me down as putting in my money, and when I tried to correct them, they spoke over me and kept going.

What I've Tried:

  • I've taken the initiative by talking to the players first, trying to start conversation.
  • I talked to the DM about that concern; he said he'd try and include me more but nothing has changed.
  • I tried correcting players when they talk over me; they still do it.

I'm not saying I'm a perfect player or that I'd like to be special... But I'd like to be at least treated equally to the other players.

How can I get the other players and DM to consider my input equally?

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    \$\begingroup\$ Welcome to rpg.se! Take the tour and visit the help center for additional guidance. This is a pretty good first question, well done on detailing the situation with examples and including the methods you have tried. How long ago did you speak to the DM have they had time to make the changes yet? Was this an issue with the previous character as well or only the new one? Thanks for participating and happy gaming! \$\endgroup\$
    – linksassin
    Apr 30, 2019 at 2:53
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    \$\begingroup\$ @linksassin Thank you! This was an issue with my previous character as well :( though it wasn't as bad as he was louder, but this one is a lot quieter so he's even more easily spoken over. I talked with my DM about 3 weeks ago, before the session that week! I haven't seen any changes as of yet, maybe I should wait longer? \$\endgroup\$
    – slug_meat
    Apr 30, 2019 at 2:57
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    \$\begingroup\$ @Token I don't know how to solve this problem, I want to keep playing D&D with my friends but I don't want to keep feeling excluded. My question was mainly, is there a solution to this? Is there anything else I should try that I haven't? \$\endgroup\$
    – slug_meat
    Apr 30, 2019 at 3:31
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    \$\begingroup\$ Honest questions - are you a different gender than the other players? Is there a broad age difference? Do you have much less D&D experience than everyone else? \$\endgroup\$
    – sirjonsnow
    Apr 30, 2019 at 17:54
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    \$\begingroup\$ @sirjonsnow I have a bit more experience than them, and I'm older by a year or two! I'm one of the two girls in the group, but I doubt any of those things make a difference? At least they haven't in my pov! :D \$\endgroup\$
    – slug_meat
    May 2, 2019 at 10:39

3 Answers 3


I have a similar situation in my group; I feel that a lot of the time, I get spoken over the top of, and my input is ignored, even to the point where I might come up with something, and they'll ignore me, and continue the conversation to the same point, and come up with the same thing I just suggested 2 minutes prior.

It is frustrating, and disheartening.

You have mentioned that the issue is apparently tied to your character's boldness in conversation (in your comment);

This was an issue with my previous character as well :( though it wasn't as bad as he was louder, but this one is a lot quieter so he's even more easily spoken over.

I take it that you mean that your RP is having an effect on this issue. You play your character as louder, and therefore you get an input, because you cannot be ignored. You play your character quieter, and it is easily overlooked.

I would suggest talking to the entire group about this, to work out a way forward. It might be that the rest of the group are actually getting excitable about a situation, and can often get "tunnel vision", only seeing their own input in the story. It could be that they are simply playing the characters as loud and deaf, so that they simply cannot hear you. Either way, this is something you need to address with the whole group.

Some suggestions on how to manage this might be the use of an object - a spoon or a ball or something like that - the person that has the ball is the one that is speaking - any one else has to wait their turn. This is a good management tool for everyone to learn to pay attention to everyone in the group.

The important thing to remember is that these games are meant to be fun for everyone, and if the others aren't making it fun for you, something needs to change.

An important note: I should also say that I feel this situation is going to require someone takes responsibility for enforcing whatever practice you take. Again, when you find a solution, perhaps suggest that the GM takes responsibility for this - remind the players that you are using the "talking stick", or to pull players up when they speak over the top of others; "Dave, Johnny was talking. When he's done you can contribute."

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    \$\begingroup\$ It doesn't have to be a confrontation. It's a conversation, about how everyone is interacting with the game. If you are all friends, I'm sure they'd be willing to listen to you. Talk to them outside of the game, maybe before the game starts, and tell them that you have an issue with how you are all playing the game. \$\endgroup\$
    – Ben
    Apr 30, 2019 at 3:42
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    \$\begingroup\$ @slug_meat While it's great that this answer helped you, it can often be a good idea to wait 24 hours to accept an answer. This encourages more people to answer and you may get one you like more. This isn't a rule though and you are free to accept any answer you like at any time. Just letting you know since you are new here. \$\endgroup\$
    – linksassin
    Apr 30, 2019 at 3:55
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    \$\begingroup\$ @slug_meat: Whether they mean it or not, your friends are hurting you with their behaviour, and will continue to do so until the problem is resolved. If you have to hurt their feelings a little bit to find a solution to this, then they will still have suffered less than you could have by allowing the situation to continue indefinitely. \$\endgroup\$
    – Kyyshak
    Apr 30, 2019 at 6:59
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    \$\begingroup\$ Maybe try speaking up OUT of character. If, as a player, you're ok with the ridiculous plan, say, "hey, someone needs to talk CHARACTERNAME into this". If you're not, make objection known. If you constantly want different things and can't agree on a course of action for the party, even out of character, you maybe just want to play different games. If they recognise that, it's a problem with mismatch. If they STILL talk over you, they're just bad at including you, play character who fits with their style or find a new group :( \$\endgroup\$
    – Jack V.
    Apr 30, 2019 at 10:09
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    \$\begingroup\$ @slug_meat as a quick addendum to linksassin's comment: you can also unaccept an answer at any time, and then accept an answer (the same one or different). \$\endgroup\$ Apr 30, 2019 at 11:41

Personally I think this might be a roleplay issue as well. Whenever I'm DMing or playing a game with friends, my mind wanders of into the fantasy world, and I can only imagine the other PCs and the world around, I lose track of the people I'm sitting across from.

In the example you said, remember that in a real group, the other PCs would not be able to just 'write you off as if you did' (unless you are missing from the session). So if it ever comes to that, just put your foot down and politely say "No, my character does not agree to that."

I used to play a character that was often at odds with the rest of the party, and so he'd often say stuff like: "No, we cannot possibly do that!" so the other player would often have to find clever in-game ways to "fool" my character into following along with the plans.

That made the whole roleplay scenarios really fun and unpredictable, especially one time when my PC thought we were doing something completely different from gassing a whole city.

Another piece of advice I can give you is this: "People listen to interesting characters!" it might just be that your current PC...is... well, boring. So he's input isn't as interesting as the lecherous dragon paladin's, or the old, insane wizard's, or the 5 INT 20 STR barbarian... Try evolving your character's backstory and personality a bit more, perhaps there is a hidden reason why he is ussually so quiet, or maybe he has some giant, big secret...

[But do remember to at least talk to your DM about making changes to your character's personality! Nobody likes a sudden no-sensical change in the PCs they have been imagining all along. Do something that makes sense.]

And if all else fails, the answer is to just... leave. As unfortunate as it may sound, if you're not having fun, you're probably taking fun away from the others too. It might just be best that you leave the current group and try to find another way to spend time with your friends. You could also try again with a different group. If you explain it logically to your friends, then hopefully they will understand you better as well.

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    \$\begingroup\$ "No, my character does not agree to that." He told them that and they blew him off. That gets to the heart of this problem. \$\endgroup\$ Apr 30, 2019 at 12:31
  • \$\begingroup\$ First of all, thanks for the answer! I'd rather not have to change a character again because of people ignoring me. I feel like... That defeats the purpose of D&D, where you can be whatever you want! I think it's for sure a great idea, however I should be allowed to play the character I want to play (within reason obviously) just like everyone else in the group is able to. Regardless, thank you again! :D You bring up some good points! I'll take them into consideration \$\endgroup\$
    – slug_meat
    May 2, 2019 at 10:50

I would suggest talking with the DM again. It is the role of the DM to direct and control the game. If your DM has lost sight of this then it could be your place to be the pain in the backside.

Shoot another player character at random. The spell caster is a great choice. Doing so while the spell caster is considering the next days spells or during a battle will cause a radical situation. This will force the party and the DM to focus the game on the interaction. At which time you can explain your point to the rest of the people playing that for months they have been running rough shod over you. If they complain explain that you have talked to the DM and feel nothing has changed.

It all depends on your level of comfort in starting an inter party fight. It also calls into question the level of friendship on their part. People and friends do grow apart. It would be a shame if that is what is happening. Wish you the best....stand up for your play time. All should be party members. Otherwise you might as well turn your character over to the DM to run as a NPC and let go of this gaming group.

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    \$\begingroup\$ Welcome to RPG.SE! Take the tour if you haven't already, and check out the help center for more guidance. \$\endgroup\$
    – V2Blast
    Apr 30, 2019 at 4:28
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    \$\begingroup\$ Welcome to the site. Unfortunately I have to downvote this. "Shoot somebody at random." isn't great advice. You are suggesting that they start a difficult interpersonal discussion by antagonizing the other players. There is no need for this to result in an inter-party fight. This is a players issue and should be discussed out of game. \$\endgroup\$
    – linksassin
    Apr 30, 2019 at 4:36
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    \$\begingroup\$ It's that potential of causing the fracture that is unsavoury. This should be avoided as much as possible, and should never be provided as a "potential solution". Creating conflict to cure conflict is never a good solution. \$\endgroup\$
    – Ben
    Apr 30, 2019 at 5:26
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    \$\begingroup\$ @Swordmaker1968 I have to say, this reply shows a false dichotomy. No one is proposing "doing nothing". I'm a little confused by your reply as well: to linksassin's comment that "there is no need for this to result in an inter-party fight" you say "I agree". But then you seem to be suggesting it's what should be done? \$\endgroup\$ Apr 30, 2019 at 5:27
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    \$\begingroup\$ I'm sorry but I just don't agree with this, my friends are all lovely (if not a little oblivious) people and I honestly adore them. Killing or harming the characters they put love and heart into for no reason but spite only makes me as bad as they have treated me in this situation, if not worse. Also it would make me feel horrible :"( Thank you so much for your well wishes and answer though! :) \$\endgroup\$
    – slug_meat
    May 2, 2019 at 10:47

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